Like Old Times
by Thatoneloserkid
Summary: Sian comes back to the street when her father died and runs into Sophie. slightly AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I never thought I would be writing for these two again... I felt down the rabbit hole of their old scenes and I just had to write for them. I used to write for these guys, back when I was seventeen and an unknown dyslexic so the writing was horrific. Let me know what you think? Thank you for reading : )**

* * *

Sophie had heard about it a few days after it happened, the day he had been found.

She knew Vinny still lived around the corner, she saw him around from time to time, and he was just a horrible reminder of what could have been.

She knew he and Sian didn't really talk much, they certainly didn't see each other.

But Sophie knew Sian wouldn't just stay away now, not after her father passed away.

He was drunk, or so the gossip wheel said, choked on his own vomit while he was passed out.

Sian would be back, if only to clean out his flat, and Sophie honestly didn't expect to see her. Sian would no doubt avoid her and, as much as Sophie wanted to, she wasn't going to seek her out, that just wouldn't be fair.

It was two days after Vinny had been found that Sophie saw Sian again.

Sophie had spent well over an hour waist deep in a cars engine, she was sweaty and filthy.

She straightened, stretching out the stiffness in her back when she spotted Sian.

She wasn't much taller than Sophie remembered, but her hair was slightly darker. Her face was thinner than Sophie remembered, and she looked exhausted.

Sian seemed to notice Sophie around the same time Sophie noticed her and completely stalled in her movement.

Sophie wasn't sure were she had been heading -maybe Dev's?- but she gave up on that idea in favour of making a b-line for Sophie.

Sophie dropped her wrench and moved closer, unsure of what was really happening.

"Sian," Sophie started, but before she could say anything else Sian had barrelled into her, almost knocking her completely off balance, her arms winding around Sophie's waist and her head buried against her chest.

Sophie was so shocked that it took her a good ten seconds to react, wrapping her arms tightly around Sian as the blonde's shoulders began to shake.

"I've got ya," Sophie whispered against the top of Sian's head.

"You're taller," Sian whispered between sobs, and Sophie couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, I took a last minute stretch." Sophie explained.

Sian didn't say anything else after that, merely crying against Sophie's chest for a few more minutes, pushing herself away, wiping her eyes and leaving.

Sophie called her name but when Sian didn't even flinch she gave up, staring at the retreating girl.

"Who's that?" Kate asked, coming up beside Sophie as she sat herself down on the hood on the car, dazed.

"Sian," Sophie said simply, but Kate immediately understood.

"Ex fiancé Sian?" She asked, and Sophie nodded. "Geez. Did she slap you?"

"No," Sophie shook herself. "She hugged me, cried against my chest for a bit then left."

"Poor girl, must be hard."

"They weren't close."

"It was still her father," Kate shrugged. "She probably doesn't have anyone here, you're probably her only source of comfort."

"I doubt my presence is comforting," Sophie scoffed. "I fucked everything up because I was young and liked the attention."

"We all fuck up, Soph." Kate shrugged, and Sophie knew she was referring to their 'relationship'. "She might need you now."

Sophie didn't believe it, and she wasn't about to seek Sian out at her fathers place, but she did go and pick up all of Sian's favourite things from Dev's, as well as a microwaveable meal for her to eat and left them at the door with a note that read;

 _If you want to talk, I'm here_

 _Sophie_

Followed by her number.

She rang the doorbell before walking away briskly.

She didn't hear anything from Sian that night, but did wake up to a message the following morning thanking her for the food and telling her that Sian just wasn't quite ready to talk to her.

Sophie understood, it had been seven years but there had never been any closure, Sian left feeling like she wasn't good enough and that was never it.

Sian was more than good enough, Sian was everything Sophie could ever want, Sian was too good for Sophie, who was a dead beat drop out.

Sophie was scared of losing Sian, and then her parents got divorced and they could have ended up homeless, Sophie just couldn't cope.

Sian was so focused on her exams that she didn't noticed Sophie spiralling But Amber did, and she used that to her advantage.

Sophie liked the attention, and it was something she would regret for the rest of her life.

—

Sophie worked late that night, finishing a car that had to be done come morning.

The street lights were on, and Sophie had her dads old Elvis CD playing quietly through the garage when Sian appeared.

The light rap on the metal door startled her, causing her to knock her head against the bonnet.

"Jesus Christ," she grumbled, rubbing her head as she turned to the door, faltering when she noticed Sian standing there was a bag in one had.

"Working late?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, this car needs to be finished come morning." Sophie explained unsurely.

Sian nodded awkwardly. "Much more left?"

"Nah,"

"You got time to eat?" Sian held up the bag. "Got you somethin' from the chippy."

"That sounds great," Sophie dropped the bonnet as she nudged her head, signalling for Sian to enter.

Sian sat the bag on the bonnet as Sophie perched herself on it.

They ate in silence, and Sophie could feel herself get more and more anxious with every passing moment.

"I'm sorry I ran off yesterday," Sian said quietly.

"It's okay, I expected you to punch me, honestly."

"I'm not mad at you, not anymore." Sian glanced at Sophie. "It was just all too much, I needed a hug."

Sophie nodded understandingly.

"We weren't close, I hadn't seen him in, like, four years, but he was my dad. And between that and seeing you, I just couldn't deal."

"I'm sorry,"

"About what? My dad or us?" Sian asked, but there was no bite in her words, no malice, she was just curious.

"Both," Sophie admitted. "I didn't see him around much, either."

Sian nodded, not really sure what to say.

"I want to explain myself, but I don't think now is the best time." Sophie said.

"No, it's not." Sian agreed. "I'm not angry but I still want to know."

"Whatever you're ready, I'll answer any questions you have."

Sian nodded, releasing a watery laugh as she stared down at her feet.

"What?"

"You're just-" Sian shook her head. "More mature than before."

"I'm not seventeen anymore," Sophie shrugged. "I've done a lot of soul searching."

"Yeah?" Sian tilted her head curiously.

"Yeah, and things haven't been the best, but it wouldn't be the street without someone constantly fucking up or something going wrong, right?"

"This place is a nightmare. I live in London and it has been quiet compared to this place." Sian laughed, and Sophie couldn't stop the soft smile that pulled on her lips. "I wanna hear about it, about it all."

"But not right now?" Sophie hummed.

"Not right now."

Sophie nodded. "That's fair."

They ate mostly in silence again, Sophie sneaking glances at Sian, and even in the dingy garage lights and with her being exhausted, Sian was still the most beautiful woman Sophie had ever clapped eyes on.

"Sophie," Sian warned, and Sophie quickly looked away.

"What?"

"You know what," Sian shot back, glancing briefly over at Sophie. "I should let you get back to work."

"Oh, okay," Sophie agreed, standing and packing up the trash. "Uh, I should be finished in an hour, there is beers and whiskey in the office, if you wanna, you can stop by."

"I don't think that's a good idea,"

"No," Sophie agreed, her shoulders lifting. "But we've always been partial to bad ideas."

There was a twitch at the corner of Sian's lips, it wasn't a smile but it was enough.

"Goodnight, Sophie." Sian said, and Sophie nodded, a little dejected.

"Night, Sian."

Sophie watched her leave, feelings brewing in her chest that she hadn't had in seven years. Not for Maddie, or Jenna, or Kate, or Paula.

Sophie had always put it down to Sian being her first love, there was no competing with that, but she was twenty four now, she had experienced love, loss, yearning, and none of it ever compared to the love, loss and yearning she felt for Sian.

"Get a grip," Sophie grumbled to herself, throwing the bag of trash toward the office and getting back to work.

She finished faster than she expected, dropping the hood and unzipping her overalls, tying them around her waist.

She sat on the bonnet of the car and sighed, running her hand over her face.

"I could probably use that drink,"

Sophie raised her eyes to peer over her hands, a little smile on her lips. "Yeah?"

"Just a few, I have to be up early to deal with funeral stuff."

Sophie nodded, "There is a mini fridge in there, I need to close up."

Sian headed toward the office while Sophie pulled the shutters closed.

"Is this your dads?" Sian asked, leaving the office with the bottle of Wentford Reserve whiskey and two tea mugs.

"Yeah, but he won't mind, he hasn't been drinking much recently." Sophie explained, settling herself on the floor with her back against the car.

Sian merely nodded, pouring them out a few drinks before sitting against the wall across from Sophie.

"I would say I'm sorry about your dad but I know you've probably heard that too many times the past few days." Sophie said, taking a sip of her drink, not cringing nearly as much as Sian had.

"You a whiskey drinker now?" Sian asked.

"I have moved on from alcopops."

Things went silent again, other than the radio playing softly through the garage, and the odd voice from outside.

Sophie's cheeks were starting to heat up a little when Sian spoke again.

"I hadn't seen him in years, the last we spoke we yelled at each other." Sian said quietly. "I don't wish it was different, that's just who we always were, and I honestly didn't think I would feel this sad when he died."

"He was still your dad, Sian." Sophie said. "You had good memories with him, I know you did, you told me."

"When I was a kid, even then they were scarce. He was a horrible man."

"Sure, but he was still your dad, you're entitled to feel something."

Sian nodded, unsurely. "Tell me about you? Maybe your shit few years will give me a laugh."

"Well, first I got hit by a car, not long after... everything.I really hurt my back and I seduced my physiotherapist, she lost her job, we broke up. I started working at the soup kitchen, where I met Maddie, she was the closest." Sian didn't need to ask what the meant, but there was a softness in Sophie's features that made her smile slightly. "Maddie was a firecracker, homeless, but she had the best heart."

"What happened?" Sian questioned, pulling Sophie out of her little daze.

Sophie took a gulp of her drink. "The builders yard blew up, she was caught in the cross fire."

Sian didn't really know what to say to that.

"Someone tried to kidnap Jack but she didn't get away with it, then I went to America to stay with Rosie. There was a whole thing with drugs, I dated this girl Kate for a while but she kind of messed me around, we're good now, though. Jack got sick while I was watching him and had to have his leg removed, and most recently I was dating a woman called Paula. She was my mums age and her lawyer, that was a whole mess."

"Jesus," Sian laughed, shaking her head as she took a drink of her whiskey. "I do _not_ miss this place."

"Yeah, it's a bit of a nightmare." Sophie agreed. "What about you?"

"Moved to London, I met a girl called Jaz, we almost got married, but I knew my heart wasn't in it, it wasn't fair. Other than that there hasn't been much going on."

"Sounds boring." Sophie said with a little grin. "Apart from the almost getting married."

"Apparently I have a thing for almosts." Sian commented and Sophie deflated a little. "I didn't mean, I'm sorry."

"No, I deserve it."

"You do, but I'm not mad anymore." Sian sighed. "I just want to know why, Sophie."

"Why?" Sophie hummed. "It was an accumulation of a lot of things."

Sian watched Sophie expectantly.

"I mean, my mum and dad, the thought of being homeless, I was terrified of losing the one thing that I loved more than anything in this world. So scared that I fuck it up anyway. You were so busy with exams, and I felt myself slipping. Amber gave me attention I thought I needed." Sophie lifted her eyes to Sian. "I know it probably left you feeling like you weren't enough but that was never it, Sian. You were more than enough, I just know what to do with the unwavering love you had for me."

"I was so focused on college that I didn't notice a lot of things with you back then, and for that I'm sorry."

"No," Sophie shook her head definitively. "You don't need to apologise for anything, you were focusing on your future, our future and I was young and I was stupid, and didn't understand that."

Sian swallowed, looking down at her glass.

"I fucked up here, Sian. Not you, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't my parents fault, or Amber's. It was me, I was stupid. I let myself think that I wasn't good enough, and that scared me so much that I fucked up something I was trying so hard not to fuck up."

Sian swallowed, nodded slowly. "Thank you, for being honest."

Sophie nodded. "I just need you to know that you were everything I could have asked for, you never deserved to feel inadequate."

"You've grown up, a lot." Sian commented. "What happened to the gobby cow I knew?"

"She's still in here," Sophie assured.

"Good, you wouldn't be a Webster without it."

Things went quiet again after that, both girls making their way though their second glass of whiskey before Sian announced she had to head back.

Sophie locked up and they walked down the cobbles, the street quiet since it was just past midnight on a Wednesday.

"Thank you for tonight," Sian said when they reached the path leading up to her house. "Not just the drink but the explanation, I need it."

"Of course," Sophie nodded. "If you have any questions or anything, just ask."

Sian nodded. "Goodnight, Sophie."

"Night,"

Sian offered Sophie a tight lipped smile before turning and walking away.

—

Sophie went to the pub on her lunch break the next day, sliding into a booth beside Ryan, who was hunched over a pint.

He barely glanced at her before returning his eyes to his beer.

"She's back, you know?"

"Who?" Ryan questioned, draining the rest of his beer.

"Sian. To clean out her dad's place."

"Hm," Ryan hummed, side-eyeing Sophie. "You seen her?"

"Briefly," Sophie nodded. "She isn't mad at me anymore."

"Good for her, I would be," Ryan admitted. "How is she doing?"

"Okay, I think."

"Good, might stop by and see her later."

Kate stopped by around two with a roll and sausage from Roy's, and Sophie knew she wanted the gossip.

"Are you gonna get back together," she asked from her seat in the passenger side of the car Sophie was working on.

"No, she deserves so much better than me." Sophie said, groaning a little as she tightened the spark plug. "She needs someone, and I don't know if that's me, but Ryan is going to stop by, so maybe he could be her shoulder to cry on."

"Ryan?" Kate laughed. "Ryan is more brain dead than most boys, and that's saying something."

"Yeah," Sophie sighed, "but her didn't break her heart."

"Soph," Kate sighed sympathetically, getting out of the car when Sophie dropped the bonnet.

"No, I don't think I could deal, either." Sophie admitted, wiping off her hands on the cloth she had tucked into her back pocket. "No one has ever come close to Sian, I thought everything was gone."

"It's not?" Kate questioned and Sophie shook her head solemnly. "Oh, Soph."

Kate wrapped Sophie up in a hug, which Sophie melted into, tucking her nose into Kate's neck.

"Oh," Kate murmured and pulled away, smiling over Sophie's shoulder. "Hey."

Sophie glanced back to see Sian standing there looking unsure, her hands in her pockets. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You aren't, don't worry." Kate assured, "I was just leaving, see ya later, Sophie."

Sophie nodded, smiling at her friend before turning back to Sian. "Everything okay?"

"I have an appointment with the funeral place at four."

"Oh, do you need a run in? I don't mind driving you." Sophie offered immediately.

"I-" Sian trailed off, looking unsure. "It doesn't matter."

"Let me drive you in?" Sophie requested, already unzipping her overalls. "We don't have to talk, or anything, it will just be easier for you, and I need a break anyway."

Sian looked unsure, and like she was about to tell Sophie no, but then she nodded. "That would be nice, thanks."

Sophie let her dad know that she was taking her break before grabbing the keys to the recovery truck.

They drove in silence for the majority of the journey.

"Of all things I never expected you to become a mechanic wasn't one of them."

"How very stereotypically gay of me, huh?" Sophie grinned crookedly over at Sian, one hand on the wheel, the other propping her head up against the window.

"It's crazy, isn't it?" Sian hummed. "At sixteen I wouldn't never have imagined being so... open with liking women."

"Suppose things have changed, with society and us. The older you get the less you give a shit."

"You've definitely adopted the mouth of a mechanic."

Sophie laughed quietly, side-eyeing Sian. "How are you?"

Sian nodded. "The closer I get to it being over the better I feel. I feel bad, just wanting to get him in the ground."

"Nah, you shouldn't. Like you said, he wasn't great, and you can be sad but it doesn't have to be all consuming like it is expected to be when your dad dies."

"I'm not even sad, I don't think. I thought I was but I'm just- I'm angry. There was no closure, the last time I seen him was when I first started seeing Jaz, he told me I could call him when I grew out of this filthy phase." Sian's jaw clenched. "He didn't even apologise, and now I have to fork out a few grand to get rid of him."

"He could have a state funeral, if no one claims him."

"I couldn't- I couldn't leave him in there for months."

Sophie nodded, pulling up outside the funeral home.

"Thank you," Sian smiled softly over at her.

"No problem,"

"I might see you around?"

"I can wait," Sophie offered. "I still have fifteen minute left on my break, and I'm sure dad would understand if I was late back. He has always liked you, anyway."

Sian chuckled, ducking her head. "You don't have to."

"I know," Sophie hummed, rapping her fingers against the wheel. "Take your time, there's no rush."

"Thank you,"

Sophie pulled out her phone as Sian rushed off into the building.

 **Sophie [15:56]: I still love her**

 _Kate [15:57]: I know_

 _[15:57]: she doesn't seem to hate you_

 **Sophie [15:59]: I don't think there is any hope for us**

 _Kate [16:01]: maybe not, but no harm in trying._

Sian was out before quarter past, jumping into the truck and running her hands on her jeans.

"That was fast,"

"Yeah, I just got the cheapest package." Sian shrugged, and Sophie took in the rigidness, the rubbing her hands against her thighs. It was the same tells as teenage Sian.

Sophie, without thinking, reached out to place a hand on Sian's, causing the girl to only tense more.

"Sian," Sophie murmured softly.

Sian quickly pulled her hand away, shaking her head. "Don't, Sophie."

"Sorry, I-"

"I might do something stupid, so please, don't."

Sophie nodded, "Of course, sorry." She apologised.

"It's not- I just don't know what I'm feeling. With my dad, I'm kind of all over the place."

"I didn't- I wasn't making a move, Sian, I was just trying to be a friend."

"I don't think I can handle you being that close."

Sophie nodded. "I understand, if you need support I'm here."

"I know,"

Sophie started the truck and drove them back to the street.


	2. Chapter 2

Sophie had settled in for the night, Rosie was out with her latest conquest and her mum and Tim were at the pub.

She curled up on the sofa in a pair of old sweats and hoodie, the tv on but she was paying it no attention, completely spaced.

She startled when there was a knock on the door, rolling her eyes as she got up.

"For god sake, Rosie, you need to-" Sophie trailed off when, instead of Rosie, Sian stood in front of her. Which, shouldn't really be a surprise, there was no way Rosie would be back before three am. "Sian."

"Hey, am I interrupted?"

"No, I was watching mindless tv before bed." Sophie explained. "Do you wanna come in?"

"Please,"

Sophie stepped aside to allow Sian to enter, taking a breath before closing the door and following her inside.

"The Kardashian's?" Sian rubbed her arms as she lingered behind the sofa.

"It was just on when I turned the tv on," Sophie shrugged. "Do you- uh- wine? Brew?"

"Tea's fine, thank you."

Sophie headed into the kitchen while Sian settled on the sofa. Sophie took the time that it took for the kettle to boil to settle her nerves.

There was this awkward air around them, and Sophie didn't know what to say or how to act. Between Sian grieving -or not grieving- and how they left things before, things were tentative, and Sophie knew one wrong move and Sian would probably flee.

Sophie handing a mug to Sian as she took a seat on the sofa beside her.

"I preferred the sofa you had before." Sian commented awkwardly.

"Yeah," Sophie hummed.

Sian states down at her tea for a few seconds before laughing softly. "This is stupid, I've seen you naked, for god sake."

Sophie couldn't stop the laugh the blurred out at those words, but she sobered relatively quickly. "I honestly don't know how to act around you anymore." Sophie admitted, glancing up at Sian before returning her eyes to her mug, running her finger around the rim. "I'm scared to say some things, or touch you in case I push too far. I don't know where the line is, anymore."

"I don't either." Sian admitted. "On one hand I want to just curled up against you and just forget, but on the other hand I can't."

"What do you need from me right now?"

Sian swallowed, looking up at Sophie with sad eyes. "Comfort. That fourteen year old girl who always made me feel safe, who always made me laugh. I need the friend you were before all of this."

Sophie nodded strongly. "I can do that."

Sophie places her tea on the coffee table and got up.

She was upstairs for a little over five minutes before re-emerge with Sian's old yellow hoodie and her own pink one, a blanket, and her DVD of Freddie V Jason.

"Put this on," Sophie threw the hoodie at Sian, heading for the DVD player.

"You kept this?" Sian held the hoodie up.

"Of course," Sophie's attention didn't even leave the tv, like this was no big deal.

"Sophie, these are our movie night jumpers."

"And we're watching a movie." Sophie grabbed the remote and pulled her own jumper on.

"These are, like, ten years old."

"Yeah, we're old, I know." Sophie joked, tucking her feet under herself as she sat down, wrapping the blanket around both of them. "Ready?"

Sian still seemed like she had more to say but decided against it, pulling her own hoodie on.

Sian didn't lean against Sophie like she used to, she didn't bury herself against her chest and hold her close. But she did let her foot settle over Sophie's, and that was more than enough.

Sophie was changing the tv to Netflix when Sian spoke.

"I don't know if I can do this tomorrow." She admitted quietly. "Like, I know I have to, no one else will be there, but I don't know if I can."

"I could drive you there, if that would help any?" Sophie offered without even needing to think about it.

"I was actually hoping-" Sian shrugged, shaking her head softly. "It's stupid."

"You're a lot of things, Sian," Sophie started with a little laugh. "But stupid certainly ain't one of'em."

Sian rolled her eyes. "I was gonna ask if you'd come with me. Like, inside, with me."

"Of course," Sophie agreed, flicking through the movies absentmindedly.

"Thank you," Sian breathed. "I don't even know how to react, my emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm angry then I'm sad then I'm angry that I'm sad."

"That's okay, you know? To not know how to feel." Sophie glanced over at Sian. "When Maddie died, I was so angry. She was good, you know? A complete cow, she was closed off and that made her volatile, but she was fundamentally good. She just wanted to look after herself and her brother. She didn't deserve what happened, and I spent so long angry at everyone."

"What changed?"

"Me," Sophie shrugged. "Maddie wouldn't have wanted me to hate the world like she had spent years doing before."

"You really loved her, huh?" Sian asked softly.

"Yeah," Sophie sighed.

"Tell me about her?" Sian requested.

Sophie frowned, putting the remote back on the arm of sofa. "Are you sure?"

"I'm not gonna be jealous, Sophie." Sian laughed.

Sophie nodded, turning her body toward Sian. "We didn't get off on the right foot, she actually stole my mums bag and broke into our house."

Sian laughed. "God, of course you fall in love with someone like that."

"She punched Tim, and Tim milked it for everything, saying it was a big bloke who done it. I dunno, she started letting me in a little after that. The first time she kissed me we'd gotten into a fight, she told me about her mum and I was a total cow and didn't believe her. She took off after and I followed her, then she kissed me." Sophie shrugged. "She ran off again. I didn't We her for a few days then she agreed to meet me."

"Let me guess, she pretended it didn't happen?"

"Nah, she played it off like it meant nothing, she actually said to me what I said to you when we talking about our first kiss."

"What?"

"'So'. With an infuriating little shrug." Sophie rolled her eyes. "Then my mum showed up."

"Your mum?" Sian laughed.

"Yeah, you know what she's like." Sophie rolled her eyes. "We followed her to a house, where she lived with her mother and brother. Turned out her mother had mental health issue, and her brother had ran off from his foster family. Maddie had been trying to convince her to send him back before we showed up. We invited her back, much to my mums annoyance."

"I would have loved to see your mums face when that happened." Sian laughed.

"She started asking questions, being that poncy woman that you know she can be, so Maddie left, and I ran after her. I told her I liked her, and she ran."

"She seemed to do a lot of that."

"This time she was a total ghost, no one seen her for a month, I honestly thought she was dead. I decided to leave the shelter for another one, and of course, Maddie showed up just as I was telling the owner that I was leaving. She read my letter that I was gonna leave for her and she got really annoyed at me, completely shut herself down and, surprise, ran off." Sophie explained. "Then she appeared at Dev's, playing coy, actually said 'she was just passing'. She tried to kiss me, someone walked in, and she asked me out."

"This sounds like a total mind fuck," Sian laughed.

"It really was. Katie and Steph got me all dressed up in a nice dress."

"And?" Sian prompted.

"I thought she stood me up,"

"Had she?"

"No, she got jumped. She showed up at the door with a gash in her head and cradling her wrist. She was talking all big, how she could've taken them if there was one less." Sophie rolled her eyes fondly. "Then she brushed me off, and we had this whole coy back and forth for a while. Then she spent the night at ours, and we sat in the conservatory for hours talking, and she tried to kiss me again, when I told her I couldn't she went off in a strop. She almost got me fired by stealing vodka from Dev's."

Sian watched Sophie attentively, and Sophie could feel herself squirm a little. "She was just trying to get a rise, trying to get me to break up with her. We argued when I got home, she just couldn't comprehend that I could be mad at her and still want her to stay."

Sians brow creased slight. "That's sad."

"Yeah." Sophie hummed. "She just kept pushing, she told me she didn't like me and asked me how much I liked her when I said I did. We kissed and she tried to get me to take her to bed."

"Did you?"

"No, of course not. I fancied her, I liked her, but that would have caused all kinds of agro. She was just trying to change the subject, I think she thought that maybe she had to make it up to me and that was the only way to do that. Then when we did have sex, which was a little while after that, she acted all funny the morning after. She tired to run off, because of course she did, and stole my dads luggage."

"Fuck sake," Sian laughed, her head falling back against the back of the sofa.

"She left me a note, telling me she was leaving, but before I could go looking for her Tracey came round with her after she tried to flog my dads stuff. I was so mad, I wanted so much for her and me dad to get on. She was a nightmare, I couldn't read her at all, and she just couldn't convey what she was feeling through words either. She done my head in."

"But you loved her, right?" Sian asked softly, her eyes flickering over Sophie's face with a soft smile. "Even at that point, that soon."

"I did," Sophie admitted. "The way we came out to my mum will tell you everything you need to know about Maddie. My mum thought we were doing drugs, when me dad told her we wasn't she asked what we were doing, and Maddie said 'each other'."

Both Sian and Sophie laugh.

"You should've seen me mums face, and when she said Maddie wasn't gay Maddie claimed she was giving it a damn good go." Sophie shook her head. "My mum kicked Maddie out, well she didn't but it was as good as, and Maddie left, but she came back. I think my mum actually grew to care about it, I know Tim did."

Sophie fixed herself on the sofa.

"And then I found out she was under eighteen," Sophie said, and Sian's eyebrows arched. "She wasn't underage, she was seventeen, which still feels a little dirty, but she told me she was eighteen. The fact she was seventeen caused a lot of issues, with her being legally a kid. She had a room in a hostel, which we didn't know about, but she said she hated it there, and I didn't understand why it could be so bad. My mum didn't let her stay, so I left with her, we went to the hostel and it was- it was a nightmare."

"You ran away with another girl?" Sian brought her mug up to her lips. "And I thought I was special."

Sophie rolled her eyes, a little smile on her lips. "One of the guys there tried to hurt me and Maddie stuck up for me. We slept rough for a few nights, but we ended up back at me mums, and Maddie got a job at the garage. She tried hard, she was getting herself out of the situation she was in, all she wanted was to get custody of her brother."

Sian must had noticed the way Sophie's throat wobbled as she tried to swallow the lump there, she always had been good at ready Sophie. Sian tentatively reached out, tracing her fingers over the back of her had.

"I watched it happen, I watched it throw her a few feet and they were performing CPR, they brought her back but-" Sophie shook her head, bringing her free hand up to rub at her eyes. "They took her back to the hospital, she was on life support, in ICU. She was having fits, and they told me that nothing would help her, that we just had to wait and hope. She crashed and they couldn't bring her back. I watched them shock her, they way she just- jolted, then they called it."

"Sophie," Sian whispered, squeezing Sophie's hand. "I'm sorry."

Sophie shook her head, and wiped her face. "After you I didn't think I could've been happy, but she made me happy like you did."

Sophie didn't know how she expected Sian to react to that, maybe close off again, pull her hand back, scowl. What she didn't expect was for Sian to smile softly at her.

"She deserves everything, she really did. She did a few bad things, but that was a symptom of the shitty life she had had, she fought hard to survive." Sophie sighed. "But enough about my tragic past, what about you?"

"Not much, after you I didn't really click with anyone else. There was Josh after you, which my parents loved, but we broke up and I got together with Jaz, but it wasn't right. Then I just went through a string of one night stands, mostly women."

Sophie laughed, arching her eyebrows at Sian. "Look at you, embracing your woman loving side."

Sian rolled her eyes at the playfulness of it. "I've been more focused on my career."

"What do you do?"

"I'm a paramedic,"

"A paramedic?" Sophie asked, obviously unable to hide her surprise because Sian laughed.

"Surprised?"

"Kinda," Sophie chuckled. "I got a nose bleed once and you almost fainted."

"I grew out of that, thankfully."

"How did you get into that?"

"Honestly, I just kinda fell into it."

"Fell into it?" Sophie laughed. "How?"

"Well, I was stuck in a rut, I was working a dead end job so I decided I needed a change after my break up with Jaz. I joined the army, as a combat medic, I done my three years service and came back with everything I needed to be a paramedic."

"The army? You went to the army?"

"Yeah, a friend of mine was in the army and she was talking about all the cool stuff she had done." Sian shrugged. "I really enjoyed it, it was tough but I got to do a lot of cool stuff."

"You in army greens? Now that would be a sight."

"I'm sure," Sian hummed, reaching into her pocket for her phone. She messed around with it for a while before turning it toward Sophie.

Sophie took the phone and looked at the picture.

It was Sian, dressed in her army greens, grinning that cheeky little grin while a dark haired girl clung onto her back.

"What's that face?"

Sophie didn't even realise she was smiling softly down at the phone until Sian had spoke, she quickly schooled her expression and handed the phone back.

"What? Nothin'." She shrugged, handing the phone back to Sian.

"Sure," Sian hummed.

"You looked good." Sophie offered. "Then and now, you look good."

"So do you," Sian offered with a little smile.

"Do you wanna watch another horror movie?"

"Sure," Sian agreed, settling back against the sofa again.

Sophie started up Hereditary and settled again.

"I'm sorry you had such a tough time, and I'm sorry you lost her." Sian said.

"I'm sorry I fucked up so badly."

Sian licked her lips and nodded. "I forgive you."

Sian had said she wasn't mad anymore, but there was still something in the back of her head that told her Sian was mad, that she wasn't forgiven, that she needed comfort and Sophie was readily available. Sian's words cause tension to leave Sophie's shoulder that she didn't even know was there.

It was late before Sian got up to leave.

"Are you sure? You can stay in Rosie's bed, she probably won't be home tonight."

"I'm ten minutes from here," Sian assures.

"I would offer to walk you back but you're an army vet, I think you're more than capable." Sophie wrapped her arms around herself, leaning sleepily against the doorframe.

Sophie watched as Sian softened, staring at Sophie with a similar look that she used to give Sophie when they were kids.

"Goodnight, Sophie." Sian whispered, her eyes flickering over Sophie's face, lingering on her lips for a few seconds.

"Night, Sian." Sophie breathed, Sian's stares having more of an affect on her than she would like. "Text me when you're in?"

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

Sophie nodded once. "Nine o'clock."

"Sharp, Webster." Sian warned playfully as she back-peddled.

"Sir. Yes, sir." Sophie have Sian a sleepy little salute, making Sian laugh.

"Goodnight, Webster."

"G'night, private."

The eye roll and little laugh Sian gave made staying up well past her bedtime worth it.

—

Sophie pulled on her black suit pants and blouse the following morning before stumbling out to her car sleepily, rubbing her eyes before setting off.

Sian came out in a black dress, two travel mugs in her hand.

"What's this?" Sophie frowned when Sian handed her one.

"I know what your like in the morning, you just stumble out of bed and go, and you're a nightmare without your morning tea."

"Thank you," Sophie smiled gratefully, placing the mug in the holder to cool. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm not really sure, honestly."

Sophie nodded understandingly. "I'm here for whatever you need."

"I don't even really know what I need."

"You will figure that out, eventually."

As Sophie suspected, it was just herself and Sian who stood grave-side for the ceremony.

Sophie stood, not really listening to the man speaking, her hand hanging limp beside Sian's. She thought about taking Sian's hand a few times, but before she could act on it Sian's fingers tentatively brushed against the back of her hand before creeping around to slide their fingers together.

Sophie gave her shaking hand a little squeeze.

Sian didn't cry during the ceremony, but she came pretty close, but Sophie kept a tight hold on her hand, and gave her little smiles whenever Sian looked at her.

They went to the pub afterward, getting a few funny looks from people who knew them as kids, but they didn't pay any mind, just setting in one of the booths.

"You were amazing today," Sophie commented as she settled down in the booth with two pints, handing one to Sian.

"I just kept thinking of all the horrible things he had done to me, wondering why I was getting upset." Sian murmured, taking a gulp of her pint.

"You need to cut yourself some slack." Sophie said, bringing her own pint to her lips. "Let yourself feel all of this without second guessing or getting mad at yourself."

"I know, I'm just-" Sian shrugged. "I just wanna drink and not talk about it."

"That we can do,"

They had a drinks in the pub before heading back to Sophie's place.

Sian exchange pleasantries with her mother, giving Sophie a look that was very familiar when her mother asking if she was 'still, you know, like Sophie'.

Sally didn't know what to say when Sian said she was bisexual other than 'oh, half like Sophie then'.

Sophie rolled her eyes at her mothers ignorance and nudged her head toward the conservatory, grabbing a bottle of wine as she went.

"She hasn't changed," Sian laughed as she kicked off her shoes and tucked her feet under herself.

"Unfortunately not," Sophie rolled her eyes, messing about with the radio, but keeping the volume low.

"Tim seems nice,"

"I hated him at first, I didn't think he could replace my dad, but he wasn't trying to, he was just being Tim."

They drank their way through the bottle, mostly in silence, and by the time Sophie got up to get another one Sally and Tim had gone to bed and Rosie was falling asleep on the sofa.

"Mum said Sian's out there." Rosie commented.

"Yeah," Sophie nodded, her cheeks hot and her brain a little foggy. "I'm sure she'd like to see ya, go say hi."

Rosie got up as Sophie made her way up stairs to go to the bathroom, she avoided the whole looking in the mirror thing, knowing she would reflect on the day and she didn't really want that.

When she got back to the conservatory, bottle in hand, Rosie was perched on the arm of the sofa, laughing with Sian at something.

"It was never good when you two were laughing together," Sophie murmured, pouring wine into Sian's glass.

"Just reminiscing, Sophie." Rosie assured, smiling down at Sian. "I'm heading to bed, you kids behave."

With an exaggerated wink, Rosie left.

Sophie rolled her eyes as she sat down. "She's ridiculous."

"Is she?" Sian accepted the glass from Sophie. "I mean, we could, you know?"

Sophie frowned, her drunk brain not really keeping up. "Huh?"

"Everyone is in bed, no one is above us." Sian set her glass on the table and sat up a little.

Sophie still didn't get it until Sian pushed herself up onto her knees, towering over her.

She stared up at Sian with big, confused eyes. "Oh,"

"What'd you say, Webster?"

Sophie swallowed, her hands finding Sian's hips as the woman moved to straddle her thighs. "Are you sure? I don't- I mean- today has been-"

"I told you I didn't want to talk about it," Sian cut Sophie off, her lips turning up into a little smile when she felt Sophie quiver slightly. "You're shaking."

"Yeah, you've kinda always had the effect on me."

"Yeah," Sian hummed. "I remember how you used to shake when we would kiss. And during our first time, you are a wreck."

"Can you really blame me?" Sophie's eyes trained on Sian's lips, and that tiny part of her drunk mind, way way in the back, was telling her to stop. That this was a bad idea, Sian was _hurting_.

But then Sian kissed her and, honestly, what was Sophie supposed to do then? Tell her to stop? Push her off? She had never really been good at telling Sian no.

So she didn't, she easily lifted Sian up and settled her on her back.

It was nothing like the times before, it was rough, very little eye contact and even less kissing, but it was something, and Sophie grasped onto it.

Sophie had barely come down from her orgasm when Sian got up and began pulling her dress on.

"You're leaving?"

"I probably should,"

"Don't be like that," Sophie sighed. "It doesn't have to mean anything."

"How could this not mean anything, Sophie? With our history?"

"You initiated this, Sian." Sophie pointed out. "And now you're gonna act all funny."

"I'm sorry, I just- I've gotta go."

Sophie closed her eyes and sighed, willing herself not to cry, when a hand cupped her chin and guided her face up, then she was being kissed, soft and sweet.

"Goodbye, Sophie."

Sophie was glad she kept her eyes closed, because she was sure she would have bawled then and there if they weren't.

She nodded, swallowing thickly. "Bye, Sian."

Sophie didn't open her eyes again until she heard the door clock closed, and when she did she couldn't stop the sob that wracked her body at the empty room.

She curled up on the sofa, clutching the blanket to her nose as she tried to blank on what had just happened.

Sian left the following morning and, again, it was Ryan who told her about it.

But this time Sophie didn't go after her, fifteen year old her was naive, she just went about her day, ignoring the fact that her heart was breaking all over again.

Kate tried to make her feel better, taking her to a few gay clubs but none of it really helped. She knew she just had to feel this out, get through the pain then get over it.

And she was getting there, struggling through two weeks of pain before Sian threw herself back into her life.

She was in the garage at the time, under a car while Kate handed her tools.

"Like, I don't get it,"

"What's not to get?" Sophie grumbled, sliding out from under that car, scratching her cheek and leaving a few smears of grease there, which only added to the dirt on her face.

"I mean, I've kissed ya." Kate shrugged, grabbing a rag to wipe Sophie's face. "I know you're a great kisser, why's that girl last night run off?"

There was a knock on the metal and Kate froze, turning to the sound to see Sian standing there, still in her work uniform, watching them unsurely.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

Kate quickly snatched her hand back, shaking her head. "You weren't, she's just not the cleanest worker."

"Tell me about it, I used to study with her." Sian smiles fondly at Sophie, who was still sat on the little cart, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Anyways, I've gotta get back to the Bistro." Kate said, smacking Sophie's face with the rag.

Sophie's eyes snapped to Kate. "What the fuck?"

"Look alive, Soph."

Sophie scowled at the girl as she got to her feet, turning her eyes to Sian when Kate left. "What are you doing here? I didn't think you would be back."

"I didn't know if I would've been, honestly." Sian admitted, wringing her hands together in a way that was very reminiscent of her fifteen year old self.

Sophie watched her for a few seconds before leaning against the bonnet of the car and she wiped her hands. "What do you want, Sian? Because I can't deal with this again."

"I went home, I felt it out. My dad, I let myself grieve and I was sad that he was gone but I was angry too. I let myself feel everything from being back here but I was left with one thing."

Sophie watched her unsurely. "What?"

"You,"

"Me?" Sophie frowned, tilting her head.

"Yeah," Sian nodded. "I thought I would feel through everything and realise that this feeling for you was just a product of grief."

"It isn't?"

"No." Sian swallowed. "At the end of my shift I was called out to a hit and run, it was a young woman, early twenties, and her girlfriend was crying over her unconscious body and I thought of you. The idea of you being hurt- I dunno, but it hit me so hard, I had to come straight here."

"Did you save her? The girl?"

"Yeah, she was stabilised."

Sophie nodded. "What do you want from me, Sian?"

"I know people make mistakes when they are kids, and yours was pretty fucking awful, but we're older now, I think we could make it work."

"Okay, hang on," Sophie held up her hands. "Just so I know what I'm hearing here. You wanna try this again, us? Like, together."

"Yeah,"

"I'm here, you're in London, it's gonna be hard." Sophie pointed out, pushing herself off the car and walking slowly toward Sian.

"It's a three hour drive, we will make it work."

"For how long? I know you wouldn't want to move back here, though the ambulance service does get a lot of work."

"I dunno, Manchester City centres wouldn't be terrible, and London is a bit of a nightmare, honestly."

"You'd move up here for me?" Sophie frowned stopping a few feet in front of Sian.

"No, not yet." Sian shook her head. "I would need to take this slow."

"I-" Sophie swallowed, sliding her hand into Sian's, holding on a little tighter when she didn't pull back. She lifted her eyes to look at Sian. "You want me? After everything."

"After everything," Sian agreed, moving closer to Sophie, so much so that their bodies touching. "I stopped being angry a long time ago, the same way I'm not angry at my father now, it's exhausting being angry. And I forgave you, as soon as I saw how much you had grown, how remorseful you are, I forgave you."

"Do you trust me?" Sophie whispered, her forehead against Sian's, their noses bumping together.

"I'll get there, but we will have to work through that."

Sophie nodded, "When do you have to go back?"

"I really shouldn't have left, I'm up at six for my shift and I won't actually get home until twelve." Sian explained. "But I'm off at the weekend, I can come up, crash at my dads place."

"Can I take you out?" Sophie asked, pulling back a little, ignoring the soft beginning chords of 'can't help falling in love' playing through the speakers because _that_ was just too cliché.

Sian seemed to notice, too, because she glanced in the direction of the office, her lips hooking up into a little smile. "Like a date?"

"We didn't go out on dates nearly enough when we were kids, other than the pub, but we will get off the street, go get a proper dinner, maybe a movie."

"If I didn't surprise you here I would have honestly believe you orchestrated this," Sian laughed, motioning toward the office.

 _But i can't help falling in love with you._

 _Shall I stay, would it be a sin._

"If I asked you to dance would that be too much?" Sophie teased.

"Like you can slow dance."

"I learned for our wedding," Sophie said, shrugging lightly. "Some things just stick with you."

Sian frowned. "You did?"

"Mhm," Sophie hummed, taking a step back and bowing a little, grinning cheekily up at Sian.

"We're not dancing in the garage," Sian laughed, surprising Sophie bu pulling her in again and kissing her.

Sophie wrapped her arms around Sian, one resting on her lower back while the other found its way up to her shoulder, holding her close.

"Shame," Sophie whispered when they parted. "I'm really good."

"Modest, too." Sian grumbled sarcastically. "I really need to get going."

"Stay, drive back in the morning." Sophie said, but she knew that just wasn't feasible.

"I will see you in a couple of days," Sian replied, pushing at Sophie's shoulder, and Sophie took a few steps back at the pressure.

"Hey," Sophie quickly grabbed Sian's hand as it dropped from her chest and Sian turned to leave. Sian watched her, probably reading everything blatantly clear in her eyes -I love you. I'm sorry.- "Drive safe."

"I drive a big ass ambulance, Sophie, I can handle my little Kia." Sian laughed, giving Sophie hand a little squeeze. "You're okay, Soph."

Sophie smiled at the nickname, nodded and dropping Sian's hand. "Text me when you're in."

"Getting clingy, Webster." Sian called playfully, heading over to her car, turning because when she reached it. "Goodnight, Sophie."

"Night, Sian."

Sophie watched her go, a little smile on her lips, startling when something g hit her back. "I told you, Webster." Kate grinned.

"Were you listening?"

"No, I just came out from locking up the bistro and saw those smiles." Kate grinned, playfully pinching Sophie's cheek. "So, what's going on?"

"She wants to try again,"

"That's great," Kate lightly hot Sophie's arm. "We can go on double dates."

"Okay, don't get ahead of yourself, we're taking it slow." Sophie huffed, moving back to the car. "I really hurt her, I need to make up for that."

"Well, eventually."

"Maybe," Sophie agreed, reclining back on the cart.

"God, you're such a loser. Sian -The Sian. Sophie's Sian.- wants to get back with you and you're being all coy."

Sophie let her head fall back against the cart, a wide, giddy grin stretching across her lips. "I'm not, I just- I don't wanna get my hopes up is all."

"She drove here after work, obviously. She left with a smile on her face, she obviously likes you."

"She may like me but that doesn't mean she can be with me." Sophie reasoned, rolling back under the car.

"Don't be so cynical, Soph, enjoy it! The girl you're in love with is back."

Sophie felt herself grin at that, butterflies erupting in her stomach, but she wasn't about to let Kate know that. "Don't you have a hot girl waiting at home for you?"

"Hey, you watch yourself, Webster." Kate warned playfully, kicking Sophie's leg. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Pint in the pub," Sophie agreed, groaning slightly as she tightened a bolt.

Kate left and Sophie finished off the before heading off home, checking her phone when she was out of her overalls.

 **Sian [00:12]: home. Sorry I couldn't stay longer**

Sophie smiled as she settled down on the sofa beside her sister.

 _Sophie [00:23]: I'm honestly just glad you came by._

 _[00:23]: I can't be to see you_

 **Sian [00:24]: me too :) goodnight, Sophie**

 _Sophie [00:25]: night, Sian_

Sophie dropped her phone onto her lap, letting her head fall back against the back of the sofa.


End file.
